POSTING #82

Note: Given a hectic end-of-week schedule, I will upload this posting on Wednesday, August 11, instead of Sunday, August 15. Fates willing, I will get back on schedule for the following posting, which will appear on Sunday, August 22. (And life in retirement was supposed to be calm and predictable!)

My Love Affair with the Rolls-Royce

As far as I can recall, my love affair with Rolls-Royces began in 1961 when Gordon Sinclair bought a Rolls-Royce.

For younger readers, Sinclair (1900-1984) was a boisterous, bigger-than-life, opinionated, irreverent and usually entertaining fellow who had a news program on Toronto's CFRB and was a panelist on the popular CBC TV program Front Page Challenge. Click here for more about him.


He often talked on air about his new car, about how he enjoyed cruising up Highway 11 (Yonge Street) in the luxurious car to his Muskoka cottage.

My love was further stoked by the brilliant David Ogilvie advertisement for the Rolls-Royce that included the statement, "At 60 miles an hour the loudest noise comes from the electric clock...".

In 1963, we lived for a short time in a mews house in the Mayfair area of London. Parked in a lane near our house was a splendid Rolls-Royce with the licence number 'VAT 69' (no prize for guessing which company the owner controlled). I drooled over it each morning on my way to work.

I imagined what it would be like to slide onto the glove-soft leather seat, caress the burled walnut dashboard, and then start the engine.

Dreams!

Let's come forward to the summer of 1992. A man, in his early 70s dressed in stylish summer clothes, came to the door of our Bed and Breakfast, Denwycke House at Grimsby, said his battery was dead and asked if we could give him a jump start.

One of our sons was visiting at the time and he offered to use his venerable but reliable K car for the jump start. As our son drove his car onto the road, the man and I walked up our long driveway. He said that he and his wife had just had an excellent lunch at an expensive (and very good) winery restaurant---and then this happened, the car stopped.

When we got to the end of the driveway, there was his car.

I didn't believe it.

A Rolls-Royce!

It was a recent model, sleeker than the high, somewhat boxy models of the period after WWII. But it had the famous grill and the RR logo.

And it probably cost around $350,000.

Our son started to pull his car in front of the Rolls-Royce so the two engine compartments would be together but the man gestured for him to pull in behind his car. Turns out the Rolls-Royce had its battery located below the floor of the trunk (boot).

The owner pulled back a corner of the thick carpet that covered the floor of the trunk, lifted a lid and there was the battery.

He then hooked up the starter cables to our son's car and, looking at the Rolls-Royce's battery, asked, "I wonder which is the positive terminal?'

Neither our son or I could see any symbols on the terminals and said so.

"Oh well", the man said, "let's try this."

He touched one of the cable clips to a terminal.

Bam!----there was a bright yellow and blue flash.

"Not that one, I guess", he said as he jumped back.

When he had the cables correctly connected, our son started his car and the man went into his car and turned the key. The Rolls-Royce responded with a rich purr.

The owner thanked us for our help, and disconnected the cables.

The Rolls-Royce died.

We tried jump starting once more, and again the car stalled as soon as the cables were removed.

"I think the battery must be dead", the man said, "Could you drive me to the Canadian Tire and I'll get a new one?"

No problem.

It was a hot summer day, so we arranged for his wife---about the same age as her husband and also very well dressed---to wait in our air-conditioned B and B with Pat, as we drove to the Canadian Tire store. (Pat and the wife had a nice cup of tea.)

The auto parts section was busy so we had to wait our turn.

When a clerk was free, the conversation between him and the Rolls-Royce owner went something like this:

"What can I do for you?'

"My battery is dead. I need a new one."

"What size is it?"

"Well, it is about this by this" (gesturing with his hands to show the length and width).

The clerk looked at him like a kindergarten teacher might look at a particularly slow pupil.

Then, "OK... what kind of car is it?"

"A Rolls-Royce."

"A Rolls-Royce!"

All the conversations around the parts desk stopped, and heads swivelled to look at the Rolls-Royce owner.

The clerk scratched his head.

"Where is the car?'

I gave him our address.

"How be we do this. We let you have a loaner battery. You hook it up to your battery with cables and then drive the car in here. We'll have a look at your battery and see what we can do."

Back at the B and B, the man hooked up the loaner battery and the Rolls-Royce purred.

I went back to the house to get his wife. She thanked us for our help---as had her husband---and, leaning over, confided, "Thank god we own a company that has a flat bed truck. We are always loading up that car and taking it back to the dealer."

And that was that.

I guess one could say that my enthusiasm for Rolls-Royces had been diminished a bit.

But not totally.

Not too long ago, I was looking at a website that listed luxury cars. There was a Rolls-Royce, in Florida, that had been seized by the police from a drug dealer. The description was lush, and I found myself salivating as I read about the interior fittings. I could smell that rich leather.

The price was not unreasonable, about the same as a good-sized, new SUV.

I started to think about how I could start a post-retirement business offering a quality, Rolls-Royce limousine service for weddings, proms, anniversary dinners and other big events.

I could get a chauffeur's uniform and one of those hats with a shiny peak.

That sort of thing.

And then I got to the last line of the description: "To be sold 'As is'".

Now as you know, Pat and I have down-sized, and we are fresh out of flat bed trucks.

My fantasy fizzled out.

I still love to look at Rolls-Royces but have decided to let other people have the joy of owning one.

A post-script.

As you probably know, Rolls-Royce has been taken over by BMW. I feel sure that the reliability of the cars will improve.

If BMW would like, I would be prepared to test drive one of their new models for, say, a year or two, and then give the world my impressions.

Just a thought.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

See you on August 22nd for Posting #83 with more stories from our family’s universe! If you have comments or suggestions, please leave a comment at the bottom of this posting, or email me at johnpathunter@gmail.com.