POSTING #121

NOTE: This Posting is being uploaded a little early because I am tied up for the rest of the week.

A Thief or a Spy, or Both?

I enjoy reading mystery novels, especially ones involving courtroom action.

Recently, while reading the excellent mystery, "The Guilty Plea" by Robert Rotenberg, a prominent Toronto criminal lawyer, I remembered a story told by a solicitor we met while we were living in London in the 1960s.

I have to warn you at the beginning that I don't know how the story ends.

I am going to have to ask you to make up your own ending.

If you decide to stop reading at this point---well---I will understand.

Let me carry on, for those who are still with me.

Our solicitor friend specialized in criminal law and had great stories about 'the old lags' he was defending (translation: a British expression for people who have been in and out of prison frequently). He didn't actually argue cases in court but in accordance with the British system he would brief a barrister (think of Horace Rumpole) who would don a wig and robe and argue the case in the Old Bailey.

He said that the old lags knew the legal system well and if caught by the police they knew what to say ("I'm innocent gov'nor, and I'm not saying anything until I gets my solicitor") and what not to say ("I'm sorry, I'm guilty").

One night at dinner, he told a story about a different kind of case. A bookkeeper with absolutely no criminal record had been arrested for stealing money from his employer.

As soon as he had been assigned the case, the solicitor hurried to the jail to interview his new client. When he was brought into the interview room, the prisoner, a man in his 50s, appeared to be in a state of shock, shoulders down, eyes looking around aimlessly. He  looked very vulnerable---not cocky like the old lags.

The solicitor introduced himself, sat the man down, took out a pad of paper and started to talk. He told the man that he wasn't to say anything until he, the solicitor, had finished.

The solicitor told him that as an officer of the court he was required to reveal to the court whatever his client told him about his guilt or innocence.

"If you tell me you did it, then I will have to tell the court that you are pleading guilty."

The man started to say something but the solicitor cut him off. "Remember I told you that you are not to say anything until I have finished."

The accused closed his mouth and sat back in his chair.

"Now, on the other hand", the solicitor continued, "if you tell me you are not guilty and that you have an explanation for what happened then I am duty bound to accept  those statements at face value and give you the best defense I possibly can".

The man started to say something, but the solicitor put up his hand, "I am not finished!"

"Now what I would like you to do is spend tonight in your cell thinking about what you want to tell me about what happened. Remember, if you tell me you stole the money we will have to enter a guilty plea, but if you tell me you didn't and have an explanation, then we will plead not guilty and I will defend you. In the meantime, you are not to say anything to the police or other prisoners."

When the solicitor returned the next day, he saw that his client, despite a night in jail, appeared less distressed, more confident.

"Now", the solicitor said, "remembering everything I told you last night, are you ready to tell me what happened?"

The accused nodded and began to talk.

He had worked, he said, for several years as a bookkeeper for an import-export firm owned by the USSR, a firm that organized the shipment of goods to and from the Soviet Union. He was frequently given large sums of cash from the officers in the firm, all of whom were Russians, which he would deposit in the firm's account in a British bank. The firm's officials now claimed that they had discovered that he was not banking all the cash he was being given---that he was stealing some of the firm's money. They had called in the police.

The solicitor looking at the police report about the arrest said, "According to this report, the firm has documentary evidence that you kept some of the money you were given. How do you explain that?"

"Well, what you have to understand is that the firm is not a legitimate import-export company. It's a front for a spying operation."

The solicitor sat up, this was a far more interesting story than any of the ones his old lags came up with. "Go on", he said.

"After I had been working there for a few months, the head of the office asked me to do some spying for them on commercial matters involving other London companies. He explained that in return they would let me keep a portion of the cash depending on how valuable my information was to them. So the money they claim I stole was actually payment for my spying."

The solicitor sat back in his chair, stunned. "So are you admitting that you spied for the Soviet Union?"

"Yes, but I never stole any money from the company. The money I took was payment for the spying I did."

The solicitor looked around the dinner table at us and said, "So now I have to find a barrister who is prepared to argue this defense before a judge and jury at the Old Bailey."

We discussed the case for a while with people around the table offering questions and comments. Someone suggested that the firm may well have been a front for a spying operation---there had been a number of incidents of Soviet spying in Britain in the 1960s---but wondered why the firm would have called attention to itself by asking the police to investigate the alleged theft? Another person wondered whether the accused realized that spying was potentially a more serious offense than stealing?

The solicitor didn't attempt to respond, and when someone asked him whether he thought the bookkeeper was guilty of theft, he just smiled and said, "I leave guilt and innocence to the jury"

Our foreign service tour in the UK ended shortly after the dinner, and we returned to Canada.

Life got very hectic and we lost touch with the solicitor.

So I don't know what happened to the accused bookkeeper.

Did the case go to trial with the spying defense?

If so, was he convicted, or not?

When the Soviet company realized that he was going to talk about spying, did they withdraw the charges?

It's frustrating not to know what happened.

But life's like that sometimes, isn't it.

Too many damnable mysteries that we have to learn to live with.

A Reward

I feel guilty about leaving you high and dry, without a clear conclusion to the above story.

To compensate you in some small measure, I would like to offer a gift---a recipe that you may find useful.

First, some background.

For years I have been experimenting with mixes of various kinds of fiber, trying to find a combination that induced a healthy regularity.

I finally found a mix that works for me and have been using it for some years. Lately, friends and relatives who pooh-poohed my mix  (it is hard to avoid double entendres when talking about regularity!) have been trying what they had always laughingly called, "John's Potion".

And finding that it works.

And asking for the recipe.

So, here is the recipe, which must be accompanied by the usual caveats: that I make no medical claims for the mixture or myself and that persons should check with their doctor before trying it.

Add to a large bowl, and then stir until well mixed, equal quantities of the following (for a month's supply, I use one and a half cups of each ingredient):

1. Psyllium husks---I buy it at Bulk Barn. I tried powdered Psyllium husks but prefer the non-powdered husks.

2. Oat bran ---I use Quaker's Oat Bran

3. Ground flax seed---I buy organic flax seed and grind it in a cheap coffee grinder with a rotating blade. Mine is made by Braun. Bulk Barn sells ground flax seed but I prefer to grind it fresh.

4. Ground almonds---I use the blanched type, and pulse them in the above grinder until they are fine.

And that's it!

Perhaps a comment about the choice of the ingredients. Psyllium and oat bran are well-known aids to regularity.

When I was young, I remember farmers using flax seeds whenever a horse was constipated, so I decided to include it in my mix.

Finally, I have added almonds because of their manifold nutritional benefits and because they make the mix more palatable.

I put a heaping tablespoon on my porridge in the morning and another on a small helping of cereal before I go to bed. When I'm travelling, I sometimes mix it with a little juice and spoon it down. Other people have found that one heaping tablespoon a day is enough.

I would suggest starting with a teaspoon or so until you know how your system will react to it.

As with any fiber, it is important to drink plenty of water during the day.

Finally, what to call the mix?

"John's Potion" sounds too medical.

Pat and I had a brain-storming session. I started off with "John's Fiber Booster" but we agreed that was just too pedestrian. After considering a whole slew of ideas, Pat came up with the winner.

 "Skip to the Loo".

I like it because it's yet another double entendre---I confess I like double entendres---that combines regularity with memories of the ever-popular Saturday night square dances in the Arthur Town Hall.

If you try the mix and like it, please feel free to pass on the recipe---there is no copyright or patent. I would be grateful, however, if you would use the name, "Skip to the Loo", so we can track its progress.

  

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See you on September 18th for Posting #122 with more stories from our family’s universe! If you have comments or suggestions, please leave a comment at the bottom of this posting,  or email me at johnpathunter@gmail.com.

On September 11th, you may like to check out the next Posting of The Icewine Guru. http://theicewineguru.blogspot.com/