POSTING #114

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Some Thoughts on Water-Efficient Toilets and Blue Jeans

Someone may ask, 'What in the world is the connection between toilets and blue jeans?'

Good question!

I suppose a Buddhist could argue that there is some connection in 'cosmic unity' and 'beingness' between these two things.

However, I would not make that link.

The fact is that the two subjects are linked in my mind because of a recent trip that Pat and I took during which the two subjects came up.

Let's start with toilets.

Water-Efficient Toilets.

I have long been a strong proponent of water-efficient toilets. It has seemed to me that it is terribly inefficient to use between 3 and 5 gallons (may I use US gallons for ease of calculation?) of purified, polished water to get rid of a few ounces of waste.

As an aside, a wag in Guelph thought there could be social benefits to frequent flushing. He posted this notice above a toilet, "Flush often, Brantford needs the water." (Guelph and Brantford are of course part of the Grand River system, with Guelph being 'up-water' from Brantford.)

Our new home has---as required by code---toilets that use only 1.6 gallons per flush. The toilets also have 2 buttons so that even less than 1.6 gallons can be dispensed for 'liquid waste'.

Frequently, the rush of water will be insufficient to wash away all the waste. A second flush may be needed to complete the job.

But sometimes that is not sufficient. The toilet becomes blocked---the technical term for which is, 'bunged up'.

The cry then goes out, 'Get the plunger!'. In more genteel households than ours the cry might be "Would someone please bring the plumber's helper?'

In the old days, plungers sat in  a dark corner of the basement collecting cobwebs, and were called into service only once or twice a year.

Now, as I say, they are used more often. Cobwebs don't have a chance to form. In fact, the plungers barely have a chance to dry.

Inconvenient? Yes, but it is a small price to pay for using scarce water resources more wisely (and to hell with the good citizens of Brantford).

Now that is my view, but this is an issue that has important gender aspects. Women have told me that they must use more toilet tissue because of the nature and geography of their personal plumbing. Therefore, although I haven't been able to find any data, it is claimed that women experience more blocked toilets than men.

In the view of these women, the water-efficient toilet is yet another way in which society discriminates against them.

The water-efficient toilet was obviously designed by a male engineer to be installed by male plumbers.....

I think we better move on quickly to our recent trip.

For more than 10 years, we have been staying two or three times a year at the same hotel. When we booked our most recent stay, the hotel clerk told us proudly that the hotel had been completely renovated.

It was grand to see the huge, arena-sized flat-screen TVs, the firmer beds, the up-dated sofas and chairs, the CEO-style desk with four (!) electrical outlets, and the discreetly hidden fridge and microwave.

And a new 1.6 gallon flush toilet.

Which acted up the first night.

The assistant manager came up with a plunger in a plastic bag. He unsheathed the plunger and began to puddle away amongst the waste in our toilet.

Reader's Digest used to have articles about life's embarrassing moments. Having a stranger push a plunger up and down in your toilet to free your waste has to be one of the absolutely most embarrassing moments.

When the toilet was clear, I asked if he could leave the plunger with us. I had a feeling that we might have to use it again. He looked at me with some doubt, as though he was not sure that I could be entrusted with such a high-tech gadget, but he finally agreed.

My hunch proved to be right---we had to use the plunger again in the morning.

After breakfast, we reported a problem with the room---unrelated to the toilet---and the hotel found us another room. We moved all our belongings to the new room---but I forgot the plunger.

That evening the toilet in the new room malfunctioned, and again we had to call the desk.

The young man didn't object at all when I offered to fix the toilet myself and easily agreed to leave the plunger with us.

We chatted a bit about our problems with their toilets and he acknowledged, with a little coaxing, that the hotel had been having many complaints about sluggish toilets since the renovation. The hotel had tried various remedies including slimming down the toilet tissue but nothing had fixed the problem.

He then trotted out what I think was the authorized talking point. The toilet flushing problem was caused by the town's low water pressure, something over which the hotel had, of course, no control.

I couldn't figure out how water pressure could be the culprit. It might influence the speed with which the toilet tank refilled after a flush, but once the tank was full, the water dropped by gravity into the bowl.

Later research showed that some toilet companies have experimented with a pressurized tank that stores the water at the same pressure as the water system. The water in this approach doesn't drop by gravity into the bowl but is blown  into the bowl with a force that is supposed to carry away all the waste.

My impression is that the pressurized tanks have not been very successful---they are reported to be costly and unreliable.

In any event, a quick check showed that the hotel's toilets didn't have pressurized tanks---just the usual gravity flow tanks.

The young man said that the problem was very frustrating.

In this he was echoing a comment made by Rand Paul, the junior senator from Kentucky during a committee hearing on the work of the US Environmental Protection Agency. Glaring at an EPA official, he complained about the Agency's regulations on energy efficiency standards.

“Frankly, my toilets don’t work in my house, and I blame you.”

Some people have blamed the toilet manufacturers, who in turn claim that the toilets that leave their factories will function properly. They accuse the plumbers who install the toilets who, they claim, are monkeying around with the toilet tank innards and changing the factory settings.

As all this finger pointing carries on, I am happy to say that entrepreneurs are on the case. They are busy designing bathroom caddies that will make sure the plunger is always handy.

Here is a caddy that carries both a plunger and a brush and sells for only $10!

The manufacturer claims that the "Discreet caddy hides two bathroom essentials". I guess that is 'hides' as in 'hides in plain view'. (Kind of brings Osama Bin Laden's compound to mind, doesn't it?)

I gather there are other caddies on the market, some costing several hundred dollars, that are so elegant they would look quite at home in the bathroom of a 5th Avenue condo.

When I asked the young man at the hotel if they had thought of placing a plunger in each bathroom, he said that management had suggested that to the chain's head office. The reply was that 'it would not be professional to have a plunger in the bathrooms'.

Since it is obviously not 'professional' to force guests to call the desk when a toilet malfunctions, I expect that head office will have to change its policy.

If it doesn't, we will start asking for a plunger when we check in.

Blue Jeans

During the trip I bought a new pair of blue jeans.

Unlike the stiff, deep blue denim jeans of yore, the new ones had been softened, faded, and abraded through repeated washes with rocks and goodness knows what chemicals.

They looked as though they had been worn for years by a busy bricklayer.

You know the look!

Pat laughed when she saw them. "When we were young, jeans like that would have been cut into squares for quilts".

According to the BBC, the old blue denim is making a comeback, only now it is being marketed as 'Virgin Denim'.

Apparently the Virgin Denim jeans are especially popular with young girls. I understand that spandex is added to the denim so that the jeans hug the legs and bottoms of the young things.

And now some older women are buying the jeans, because they lift the butt---they are referred to as bras for the butt.

What would we do without the BBC?

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Talking about butts, reminds me of a story that an American friend tells. She was at a charity event in Connecticut hosted by a well-known actor famous for his dazzling blue eyes and his come-hither smile.

According to our friend she was quite smitten by the eyes and smile.

Until she watched him walk away.

To her horror, he had no butt, just a flat backside.

I pointed out that he probably had had a perfectly fine butt when he was younger but time and gravity had done their dirty.

The response was that if aging women have to fight time and gravity, then so should men.

So men, perhaps our next jeans should have a butt lifter feature.

Just saying.....

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See you on May 15th for Posting #115 with more stories from our family’s universe! If you have comments or suggestions, please leave a comment at the bottom of this posting,  or email me at johnpathunter@gmail.com.